I left this space for two months for a few reasons, and the time away made me realise many things about blogging and sharing, and what it became for me, and how I would like it to be...
To put it shortly, it dawned on me that I felt constricted by the unwritten rules of style blogging.
1. The pressure to fit in
So a style blog should consist of three coloumns, with a welcome picture of a smiling blogger and a load of marketing links, and in the middle, and endless stream of perfect quality photographs, of girls who always look prettier than most of the world's girls will ever feel, wearing clothes most of the world would never be able to afford, offering recipes and DIY's photographed perfectly, going on cute dates with their loving husbands, or shining at international events, and when they're asked what their secret is, they always say "you have to create original content".
It used to be a good game to work out how things are done in the style blogging world and playing along the rules. For me this is just not fun anymore. Maybe I'm a cynic, but the time has come when I don't believe all this is either original or honest.
2. Projecting the perfect life
Are you really that happy? Is everything really that pretty?
What is more important, to show an image of perfect romance/contentment/success/beauty or to feel it, live it? Do you really enjoy the currently fashionable "pretty" lifestyle? Isn't this all a marketing surface?
Maybe you only put on the statement 10 inch heels for the duration of the photoshoot, and maybe when you get home "you pig out in yoga pants" and maybe you only cook when you know you'll have to post the photos of it and maybe you get into a fight with your husband every other night?
In Hungary we say: If it's not your shirt, don't put it on. Of course there are plenty of honest bloggers our there - and interestingly 99% of them do not have a huge following. I cannot even bear to look at these "big" blogs anymore, written by girls who turn their lives into advertising space.
3. The hunt for followers
I admit: I did spend a few hours
hunting for new blogs and leaving comments and GFC likes, and waited for
return visits. Yes, it works. And yes, it's insincere... I couldn't do
it more than twice, I felt disgusted with myself. I just cannot bear leading people on, however harmless. It's like a huge, dark mutual secret in the blogosphere, the "I leave a nice comment, you leave me one too, regardless of whether I like your style, I follow you, follow me too, never mind that I'll never click on your new post unless you click on mine". Blogging is not worth
that much to make me feel dishonest.
Please don't worry, blog friends, most of my comments were true. But there were times when I really didn't feel like making the rounds of blogs I follow and I still forced myself. And of course I always knew deep inside when the comments I received on my posts were just "mutal kindness" comments.
4. The pressure of not being left behind
I cannot post on Sunday, nobody blogs on Sunday, they won't read my
post! I have to post when people are around! Let's go and analyse my
"Oh I must post something, I will lose my readership! The last thing I feel like is photographing myself in the rain, but I must!"
"A style blogger is dead if they're not on Twitter/Facebook/Instagram/Pinterest/Klout! I must bloody join though it's a pain in the butt to keep all these accounts up!"
"Nobody repeats clothing items, I must strive for no repetition either. Never mind that I haven't got enough clothes for this. Really, I must get out and get more clothes!"
It took me ages to actually confront myself and ask: why am I doing this? Is this really me? Is the person I'm becoming someone I'm happy about? Am I more relaxed and content because of my hobby or do I sometimes feel pressurized, inadequate, dishonest?
You might have noticed that my new posts are a little bit different. It's because... this is where I call quits. The unwritten rules of style blogging are lifted from my shoulders from now on, and I am FREEBLOGGING!
(Oh yes, and as we all know, nobody reads long posts without pictures so if you did get this far: I love you!)