Freeblogging

I left this space for two months for a few reasons, and the time away made me realise many things about blogging and sharing, and what it became for me, and how I would like it to be...

To put it shortly, it dawned on me that I felt constricted by the unwritten rules of style blogging.

1. The pressure to fit in

So a style blog should consist of three coloumns, with a welcome picture of a smiling blogger and a load of marketing links, and in the middle, and endless stream of perfect quality photographs, of girls who always look prettier than most of the world's girls will ever feel, wearing clothes most of the world would never be able to afford, offering recipes and DIY's photographed perfectly, going on cute dates with their loving husbands, or shining at international events, and when they're asked what their secret is, they always say "you have to create original content".

It used to be a good game to work out how things are done in the style blogging world and playing along the rules. For me this is just not fun anymore. Maybe I'm a cynic, but the time has come when I don't believe all this is either original or honest.

2. Projecting the perfect life

Are you really that happy? Is everything really that pretty?
What is more important, to show an image of perfect romance/contentment/success/beauty or to feel it, live it? Do you really enjoy the currently fashionable "pretty" lifestyle? Isn't this all a marketing surface?

Maybe you only put on the statement 10 inch heels for the duration of the photoshoot, and maybe when you get home "you pig out in yoga pants" and maybe you only cook when you know you'll have to post the photos of it and maybe you get into a fight with your husband every other night?

In Hungary we say: If it's not your shirt, don't put it on. Of course there are plenty of honest bloggers our there - and interestingly 99% of them do not have a huge following. I cannot even bear to look at these "big" blogs anymore, written by girls who turn their lives into advertising space.

3. The hunt for followers

I admit: I did spend a few hours hunting for new blogs and leaving comments and GFC likes, and waited for return visits. Yes, it works. And yes, it's insincere... I couldn't do it more than twice, I felt disgusted with myself. I just cannot bear leading people on, however harmless. It's like a huge, dark mutual secret in the blogosphere, the "I leave a nice comment, you leave me one too, regardless of whether I like your style, I follow you, follow me too, never mind that I'll never click on your new post unless you click on mine". Blogging is not worth that much to make me feel dishonest.

Please don't worry, blog friends, most of my comments were true. But there were times when I really didn't feel like making the rounds of blogs I follow and I still forced myself. And of course I always knew deep inside when the comments I received on my posts were just "mutal kindness" comments.

4. The pressure of not being left behind

"Oh, I cannot post on Sunday, nobody blogs on Sunday, they won't read my post! I have to post when people are around! Let's go and analyse my readership..."
"Oh I must post something, I will lose my readership! The last thing I feel like is photographing myself in the rain, but I must!"
"A style blogger is dead if they're not on Twitter/Facebook/Instagram/Pinterest/Klout! I must bloody join though it's a pain in the butt to keep all these accounts up!"
"Nobody repeats clothing items, I must strive for no repetition either. Never mind that I haven't got enough clothes for this. Really, I must get out and get more clothes!"

It took me ages to actually confront myself and ask: why am I doing this? Is this really me? Is the person I'm becoming someone I'm happy about? Am I more relaxed and content because of my hobby or do I sometimes feel pressurized, inadequate, dishonest?

You might have noticed that my new posts are a little bit different. It's because...  this is where I call quits. The unwritten rules of style blogging are lifted from my shoulders from now on, and I am FREEBLOGGING!

(Oh yes, and as we all know, nobody reads long posts without pictures so if you did get this far: I love you!)

20 Thrifting Disasters

After years of thrifting and some more of reading about the basics of thrifting, then some more admiring others’ amazing thrifted finds, I felt there’s a sore lack of a defining description of all that’s possible to go amiss when it comes to second hand shopping… Here’s a try at collecting some thrifting disasters!

1. When you set out with hours to kill to hunt the best finds, the second hand shops seem to be half empty of merchandise and you never find anything worthwhile.

2. However, if you just pop in with 10 minutes to kill before your train leaves, suddenly there are about 20 different items you don’t have time to try on.

3. And they change the full stock the day after, so you’ll never see them again.

4. Similarly, if you take a friend with you who always comments on what great stuff you find in thrift stores, when the two of you go together there are only lame denim skirts with pink trim and burgundy polyester blazers from the 90s.

5. Whatever amazing displays they put in the shop window are never for sale or have already been sold.

6. For some mysterious reason, this out-of-bounds window display always includes a clothing item you have been hunting for for months, like the perfect pencil skirt or a mint coloured blazer, or the cutest dress with a Peter Pan collar.

7. Anyway, you go in and hunt around. However, you always have to realise that when the size and the cut is perfect, the material or the colour are bound to be hideous.

8. Similarly, when the material and the colour are perfect, the size and the cut are hideous.

9. When something is a gorgeous, saturated hue, the colour is bound to be bleeding. You may convince yourself in the shop that the original owner must have lost weight, that’s why they donated the item, but deep down you know you will have to handwash that damn gorgeous blouse from now on until you donate it yourself.

10. “That lovely blouse is torn by the seam? I’ll sew it up in no time! Let’s get it.” (This happened 2 years ago and you still haven’t sewn it up.)

11. “That gorgeous skirt? It’s a bit too long but oh, I will alter it, no big deal!” (It’s been 3 years and now you actually use it as a shoe rag.)

12. “That huge shirt? The material is so pretty, I’ll totally make cushions-dolls-bookbinds-whatever from it.” (You have a whole drawer full of these and you don’t even own a sewing machine.)

13. If you spot a great colour and promising texture from afar, by the time you get there, another thrifter has it in her grubby hands and it’s an original Chanel blazer. 

14. In your size.

15. If you spot a well-known label and get there first, it surely has greasy stains, or moth-holes, or comes in such a small/huge size it’s impossible to alter.

16. There are plenty of beautiful purses to be found in second hand shops, but the most beautiful ones have an indelible smell hanging around them that you cannot get rid of, however hard you try. One option left – carry the purse around but never open it. Which is sort of like carrying a cushion around the city. Pretty, but pretty useless.

17. When you find something that’s missing a button, it’s bound to be a coat with buttons coated in the material of the original item. So it’s impossible to find a matching one and you have to change all of the buttons.

18. Your coat is of course double breasted and has 20 buttons on front and an extra 10 on the cuffs.

19. Finally you have chosen some pretty amazing stuff that seem to be fitting you well. You go up to pay when you realize that you don’t have enough cash, they don’t accept credit cards and the next ATM is a 10 minute walk away. The shop closes in 5 minutes.

20. Of course this shop has a policy never to set aside items for anyone. The perfect garment you had to leave there will haunt your dreams for years to come.

Now is the time to admit it, you’ve experienced at least one of the above!

Do you have any more to add to the list? I’m keen to hear about your thrifting disaters. :)

(Clip art used above by Amy Morby)

The Age of Magenta

This handed down flowy blouse is a big question mark for me. I love strange garments so its odd cut and sheerness wouldn’t be a problem. The problem is the „feedback” I got on it – namely that people think I’m older than my actual age when I wear this.

Everyone says we shouldn’t be concerned about the opinion of others. „Be yourself”, I've heard this so many times it sounds phony. Because the same people would then ask you to be yourself but… Look your best! Always! Look as young as you feel! You deserve it!

Uhm, what exactly is it that we deserve? Being constantly worried whether we’re perfect enough? Whether we bring out the best in our looks all the time?

I don’t think any woman deserves this. I have the right not to be beautiful, not to dress pretty, not to look my best. It’s tiring to bring the best out of ourselves in every little detail, and being tired is not fun.

There are so many things I could strive for apart from looking this way or that. I would like to be a kinder person, a more patient person, a more generous person, I’d like to lose much of my selfishness, I’d like to smile more and be less defensive.

So next time people say I look 30 in this blouse and instead of feeling the whole world come tumbling down around me and seeing myself like a wicked harridan in my mind’s eye, I’ll try my best and be patient and generous and smile.

And I’ll tell them I’m actually 20.

:)

Wearing: blouse: handed down, jeans: Takko, shoes: Vagabond, hat: small shop at the local market

Grey Like Old Stone

Actually I’m not that grey.

Especially when I’m laughing my head off.

The benefits of having my Boyfriend as a photographer - I'm entertained. :)

Are you craving a strange-embarrassing fact? Just look at this top. It says: „Bitchin' frosty time to ride”. Now what the flipping hell does that mean? I got it in a Chinese shop and they often print nonsense on their t-shirts, and I bought this one partly because I was so perplexed by the slogan accompanied by a pretty flower... Odd.

Strange fact Number 2: Have you noticed these statues I'm posing by being sort of similar to each other? (Apart from them being rather creepy if not downright scary.) That’s because the artist used the same model for all 6 characters in the group.

The statues actually commemorate the 1514 peasant’s revolt in Hungary, led by György Dózsa (whose head is adorned by a pigeon at this very moment). This revolt, as all of the revolutions in Hungary’s long and turbulent history, was brought down cruelly but remembered fondly. Peasants marching against their almighty lords only carrying weapons fashioned from what they worked with, clothed only in thin linen, wearing no shoes…

They weren't heroes, just everday people who had a very hard life, and I’m sure they looked much more normal and nice than these statues. Imagine different shapes, not only this doorframe largeness, but slight and thin men too, imagine dainty noses, as well as very crooked ones, imagine tall men with huge curly hair, small guys with piercing blue eyes and winning smiles… They must have been like all the men today who we walk past on the streets. Or those who stand up and fight against inequality and suppression still, in 2011.

Yes, these statues might be quite ugly, not very well executed, but they make me think and imagine the people behind the story and they make me think of all the men and women who fight for their liberty today. So I like them.

Wearing: trousers: handed down, top and shoes: Chinese shop, Sunglasses: New Yorker

Be Inspired! - By Waves from No Signposts in the Sea

Dear Readers, at the moment I'm on my way to England for a much anticipated holiday, yay!

So instead of me, some of my favourite blogger-friends will feature on my blog. I asked them to choose a picture - any picture - that inspires them, and explain why or how.

I'm so proud to present the picture that Waves from No Signposts in the Sea chose as her inspiration, and the brilliant piece of writing she sent me. I'll definitely re-read it many times, and I recommend everyone to read her blog too - she inspires me to think out of the box when it comes to blogging, to write more and write better, to step over the consumerist side of fashion blogging and let my creativity lead.

It is the custom in some parts of western Finland to let an old house rot while the new generation builds a new one on the same lot. It is a bizarre sight: huge, wooden mammoths of houses barely standing in tatters, while a newly constructed building towers beside it, full of life. You wonder why the people didn't just fix up the old house, but for whatever reason this is the way it has been done for generations. I guess no one really questions the logic, apart from outsiders like myself.

Two years ago I got to visit one of these old, abandoned houses. It hadn't been lived in in decades, but it still stood there courageously, next to a huge lake, its outside paint worn out completely, its rooms filled with the strange smell of rotting wood and mold. Musty wallpaper leapt off the walls in shreds. Swallows had found their way in and built a nest in the kitchen. The wood-burning stove lay there rusted, and a selection of round, metal-rimmed eyeglasses hung off the wall, gathering dust. I took a lot of pictures of the house that day. For you, I chose one of ceiling paint chipping down. I am drawn to things old, broken, textured, lost.
Many people find images of abandonment heart-breaking. There is something gut-wrenching about the visible evidence of no one caring. And yet there is beauty in decay - be it in a wrinkly, toothless smile of a 100-year-old, in wilting flowers, a road with potholes, the punches we take, the sadness we encounter in life through loss and carelessness. There is beauty where it doesn't even exist. One of the most inspiring experiences in human life is the inevitability of heartbreak.

The Child Within

I like style when it’s fun. When it’s playful and has a sense of humour, when it’s innocent and when it doesn’t take itself seriously. Just like a child.

For me, letting my inner child coming out to play is not something infantile, naive, simple or sticky sweet – it’s rather honest, carefree and self-confident.

It’s so important for me to be able to retain my ability to see the world as new, just like I did when I was a child. To find beauty in the smallest things, and to constantly look for it in places that grown-ups gave up long ago.

When I feel grumpy, fed up, negative and tired, I try to see the world around me with new eyes. To wonder at the world is one sure way of pulling yourself out of many a dark place.

Enjoy beauty in an around you and have fun in getting dressed! Have a beautiful week!

What I wore: I bought the bird-ring at Museum Night last Friday, a night when all museums are open well into the night and host programs, concerts, shows… The Museum of Applied Art hosted a fair and that’s where I met my little bird.

Trouser-skirt: Promod, T-shirt: Zara, Shoes: Some boutique, Leggings and Sweater: Chinese Shop, Bracelet: A necklace from Brigitte Bijou maybe, Scarf: C&A.

Bazaar Times and Handmade Products

I’m a passionate advocate of buying handmade and buying local. Mostly because it’s so much more fun browsing stalls and talking to the designers and finding things that are truly original. New ideas always inspire me to think differently too.

Gozsdu Bazaar or Gouba, a weekly bazaar for handmade products here in Budapest is held in a string of adjoining courtyards, which I’m not very good at photographing, sorry! Believe me though that the setting is really nice and very atmospheric, calm and happy, while buzzing with creative energy.

Handmade chocolate! Yum!

What I wore: trousers: Zara, Blouse: Second hand, Shoes: Vagabond, You can't see my bag but it's from Clarks, Scarf: H&M, Necklace: Jeans Club, Earrings: DIY, Bracelets: H&M, and from a Lindt chocolate bunny. :)

I could go on and on about why I support buying handmade, so I thought I would get some of the arguments together for those who aren't sure about buying from local designers and artists. 

So let's see, why buy handmade?

Invest in Ethical Produce

Many times when I buy mass-produced jewellery I can't help but wonder who assembled it and how much money they earnt with that painstaking work. If you buy directly from the maker, or from small local shops, you can be sure your money reaches the artist directly, or only one step removed. Phew, you can forget remorse and nightmares of child labour, while the artist gets all of their money, without the interference of big companies. Win-win!

Invest in Your Area

Buying something directly from the designer-maker is the best way of ensuring that only ethical labour went into the product, and that the materials were sourced in your area. What's more, your new possession probably didn't travel very far to get into your hands.

Whether the sellers are the designers themselves or a local shop owner, by buying their bags, dresses, earrings, you support your area to grow financially, as well as artistically.

Invest in Quality

Invest in handmade pieces lovingly assembled by the designer. At a market you can discuss how to care about your new acquisition and make a note of the designer’s details to ask for help if a seam is burst, or half an earring is lost. Building a personal connection with your newest acquisition makes it more valuable – treasuring what you buy, you take care of it better. Try to look at your clothes in a different light, after all, they could all be pieces of art! If half of your earring is lost, you might just throw it out. If it’s a handmade, one-of-a-kind piece, you can contact the maker to work out a way of saving it. Quality over quantity - well-loved, well-made pieces instead of mass-produced, almost worthless stuff. It's easy to choose!

Invest in Talent

Be proud to support young talent and if you like their work, help them making more art by buying their designs. Dare to be original in your purchases, your one-of-a-kind piece might become one of your most treasured possessions. Don’t you wish you could have bought one of Coco Chanel’s early designs? :)

Don’t hold back with praise if you see a design you like. As bloggers you know how much it means to be inspired by a comment, feedback is important for designers too. Even if you don’t buy anything, your opinion and support will matter for a young talent who might emerge as an influential artist – thanks partly to you!

Most importantly: enjoy browsing and shopping, enjoy your acquisitions, enjoy connecting and reconnecting with the designers!

Wearing History

When I touch an object that has a history, my imagination can’t help but run away along the times it must have lived through.

I can’t restrain myself from buying old postcards and imagine someone writing them 100 years ago, the addressee treasuring the card for years and years, displaying, maybe even framing it.

Chipped porcelaine, however ugly, will always make me think of huge family lunches, kids running around the table, accidentally tripping and breaking the still missing piece off. 

Books whose pages were turned by countless people before me, who read the same lines I’m reading and maybe thought similar thoughts.

Objects like these have value that has nothing to with their actual worth as it also depends on your ability to see it. 

Like this belt which used to belong to my grandfather when he was a boy scout before the Second World War. It even has the date stamped on it, and the Budapest address of the scouting shop.

I already see my grandpa as a little boy, walking the streets of a very different Budapest, stepping into the shop while the bell rings to notify the salesman. I can also see him somewhat later, wearing this same belt, proudly frying pancakes in the middle of a forest, on a fireplace constructed in a ditch. (He told me about this when I was very small, and it apparently got stuck in my memory – maybe because the story involved sweets.)

For me, objects that have a past mean much more than a brand new designer piece. Not that I own any designer stuff - I just know that buying one of them wouldn't make me feel the same joy when I find an old, battered but beautiful object, that's seen more of the world than me. It’s truly an amazing feeling to "wear history". I find this piece much more precious than any brand new accessory. 

Belt: Used to belong to my late grandfather, dress: Second hand, Jeans: Takko, 

Sandals: Bata, Earrings: C&A, Ring: Jojó Art Shop

Shapes and Sizes

Let me ask you to look at the pictures below, and see what your first thought is!

When I first saw this spread in this month's Hungarian Glamour magazine, I thought: Why would they publish two almost identical pictures of the same model in the same clothes?

And then I read the text and understood. The model on the right is size 36, the one on the left is size 42. They are wearing the same clothes, only of course in their own respective sizes. This is where the message definitely hit home.

As you know, I started my blog only recently and really enjoyed getting to know new bloggers all over the planet and the supportive nature of this community. I wondered how I could get involved more. I noticed many established bloggers have accounts on fashion community websites like chictopia and lookbook. So I went on and created an account at one of these. And proceeded to go through a proper crisis of faith within the next hour.

As I checked the popular users and looks, I felt more and more fat, old, and plain uncool. This shouldn’t work like this – I thought – why should I feel unwanted in a community I believed to be inclusive? Am I so naïve I didn’t realise what goes on behind the façade? (Wow, two foreign characters in one sentence. Anyway.)

As I thought about the bloggers I follow and the ones I just got to know in the past two weeks, I made my mind up. What sort of community do I want to belong to? The one that excludes me, looks down on me and makes me feel unwelcome even if I'm a little bit different? Or a crowd that is accepting, connection based, who welcome those of ALL shapes and sizes, and encourage every opinion? And who dare to look different, even, god forbid, imperfect?

The choice is easy if you ask me and if you look at Márk Viszlay’s great photos in Glamour Hungary. Beauty isn’t the requisite of the young and thin, despite popular belief, and those bloggers who dare to be different, who dare to be imperfect are my kind of people. So I deleted my account at the fashion community website and keep looking out for refreshing ideas from all around the globe, from bloggers with integrity.

What about you, have you gone through similar feelings when you started blogging? Do you still feel unwanted in the blogger community for whatever reasons?

Let’s discuss and build a community that is based on the visual, but kept going by what’s underneath!

(Disclaimer: The photos don’t belong to me, but to Glamour Hungary and Márk Viszlay. If you are the owner and wish to have them removed, contact me. Sorry for the poor scans.)